Unseen Thoughts
by merethebear
Summary: All those wasted years where we never talked. All those lost glances, only seconds apart. I hope you figure out what's wrong.
1. Hidden

I was convinced that no one in the world knew her as well as I did. Therefore by saying that I was also convinced that no one in the world cared about her as much as me. Man, how she can make me hate myself.

If I stay in this one spot maybe she will notice my lack of movement and look my way. On the other hand I could accidentally collide with her to make her look at me. No, that will show her that I miss her, I can't let her know I have any feelings for her at all. How can she make me feel this weak? Its stupid. I try and direct my attention to another girl walking by, making sure to notice every little piece of her. It was an empty attempt.

She laughs a laugh that only I could tell was fake. As I said before I know her the best. Or should I say knew. I could never tell her. She would never know, that line will never be crossed by me. And even though she isn't mine, I would have nothing if I couldn't see her.

Its time for our next class. It took all my breath to walk past her, trying hard not to look or touch her. I think it's getting better, she hasn't caught me looking at her in over four weeks. She kind of stumbles on her words as I walk by, and then quietly carries on her conversation. I wish I was perfect for her, I wish every little piece of mine would fit exactly with hers. But I know that can never happen. Fact is, I would still do what ever she wants.

The new kid comes to sit next to her. Jealousy rips thought me like a snake striking for its prey. He could sit next to her and know one would care, but if I was sitting there, everyone would explode with questions. I imaged that I was sitting next to her. She would shy away like I was a hideous monster. That thought made my insides churn. Why did she hate me so? She turns around and she looks right at me, her face screws up and then goes back to normal. So fast that if I had blinked, I would have missed it. But before she can read _my_ face, I look away. Blood rushes to my face as I realize the reason she had turned to look was because someone was telling me to move so they could get by. I play it like I'm ignoring him. Hoping that no one would notice, expect her. For she always notices my mistakes, or at least it feels that way.

I wish I could know what she was thinking, probably of the problem on the board. When I give my answer she corrects me like I'm an idiot. She does realize how horrible that makes me feel, right? And what's worse is she loves every one but me, in fact I am almost sure she hates me. What other reason is there? She doesn't love me with her unconditional love, and yes I see the irony for she is the only one I do.

Why her, why this? I'd rather anyone else, just not her. The one that I can't have, not that I could have anyone else. But her? Two totally different people, and yet I can tell you what she will do almost to a 'T'. Damn it, I'm going to have this forever. This feeling of horror. Not ever knowing what is next. But the dark isn't as bad when you have a light to follow. I can't even image a world that her and I could exist. How cliché, how true. Now suddenly I'm desperate to change. I'm demanding truth from someone. This feeling was not planned, not that it could have been.

But now suddenly this one thing is my life. And this one thing is you.


	2. Trapped

Where did he come from, he walked past me causing me to lose my train of thought. Never mind that, it hadn't meant anything. My tummy turned as I realize it never would. He was making me go insane, making me feel like I didn't belong. I hated this feeling, I wish it would leave. I wish I could find another, for he isn't the one for me. I could see me standing by him, but the picture was wrong, demented in some way.

Someone is yelling his name, by reflex I turn. My concrete masks brakes as I see him looking at me. His deep eyes set me on fire, a feeling that burns my core. He looks away almost to quickly. Was I that ugly? Did he hate me that much that he could not look at me? So many things I wish I could tell him. But all of them I don't know how to say.

Before I can catch myself I blurt out the answer that he had just gotten wrong. How annoying I must sound always correcting him. Sounding like I think I'm better. Sometimes I catch his reaction and it blinds me. I know he hates it, he must. But I can't help myself. He will never know the reason that I do that, in some ways neither will I .

It can't be healthy to think about someone this much. But I wouldn't have anything without him. My world would fall, how melodramatic, I know. Everyone loves him, me included. Yet he hates everyone, me included. If I could be friends with him for only a day, to know what he was thinking for only a second. To be a fly on his wall for one night. To know why there is so much hate from him. To know that he thought of me for a fraction of a second would set my world on fire. But I'm not right for him, clearly. My perfection is nothingness to his. And it seems that he doesn't even try. When I spend my all just trying to get him to notice me .

Why did he sit behind me? I can't see him when he does. I find a window that is reflecting him. My breathing slows. Everything is okay again. It makes me scared to know that he is my world. I hate him for that, in fact I hate him! But none of these words are true. Reality hit me when I realized he will be the only face that I care for. From this point on I was screwed. His heart would never belong to me.

Although, I think that in some other world our destinies could cross. But not in this story, it wasn't meant to be. Its time to go and I almost run into him as he speeds by books in his hand. If only we had bumped into each other. He is deathly afraid of human touch. Not just mine, anyone's. It hurts me to know that, for some strange reason. For it isn't any of my concern.

I hate this, I don't understand. What did I do? 'Sorry' I whisper when I trip over his book that is on the ground on my way to my locker . Not even a grunt of acknowledgment. I could live like this I decided, he didn't have to know I was here on the earth. But how badly I just wanted him to look over at my locker. Of course he didn't. I didn't know where to go from here.


End file.
